MARRIAGE MYTHS DEBUNKED PART 2

If you didn’t get a chance to read part one of Marriage Myths Debunked, go back and check it out after you read part two. I even threw in a few bonus ones for you. 

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MARRIAGE COMPLETES YOU


Marriage completes you. That is one heavy expectation to put on someone. If you are expecting a marriage to complete you, then you will always feel empty inside. Your spouse is human, they are not the savior. They are not God. If you come into the marriage with that expectation, you will find yourself disappointed a great deal of the time. Sorry to burst your bubble. If I didn’t, soon reality would. I know everyone saw Jerry Maguire when he yelled across the room to his love “You complete me.” It made all of our hearts skip a beat and believe that it was a new standard for our relationships. Don’t fall for it. Strive to work on yourself and complete yourself. Seek God if you are looking to be completed. When you do that, then it makes things easier for the both of you to become one.

ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED YOU LOOSE YOUR FREEDOM 


Real love= Freedom to be me. So in all actuality, you gain the freedom to be loved and to be yourself without judgment. A healthy marriage welcomes freedom to respectfully be yourself. Now don’t get me wrong. There are definitely boundaries that should not be crossed in marriage and those boundaries should be discussed with your partner, so that each person is being respected within the marriage. I believe what happens is, often times receiving accountability in love, is mistaken by some as a loss of freedom. Accountability is not a loss of freedom. It is a responsibility to justify your actions to your partner. To be honest, if you aren’t ready to be held accountable in order to be enlightened and evolved, then maybe you are not ready to get married. Healthy marriages are not dictatorships. They welcome freedom, acceptance, accountability, and unconditional love.

THERAPY IS FOR REPAIRING A BROKEN MARRIAGE


Therapy is for everyone. When it comes to marriage counseling, I believe you should utilize it sooner than later. This way, there is not a ton of issues to work through in the relationship. I recommend taking advantage of pre-marital counseling. Premarital counseling will aid in healing some of your personal hurts and wounds, as well as helping you get to know each other as it relates to being a team. If you both are open to it, do it in the dating phase. If you are feeling like this person may be the one you want to be with for the rest of your life, try doing it as a date before bringing up the thoughts of marriage. Doing it before engagement in the dating phase may even help you decide if you should proceed forward. Nothing has to be going wrong in your relationship to book a couples session. A good way to think about marriage counseling is relationship coaching. Think about a coach. A coach helps you try new skills or stretches you to make things better. A therapist, sometimes gets a negative connotation because they are known to fix things. So it’s okay to look at a marriage counselor as a coach instead. Statistics say that couples wait 6 years too long to try marriage counseling. Many of people are programmed to only seek for counseling when things get tough in the marriage. For us, that was the first time we tried it. After going so many times over the years whenever something went wrong, we finally got in touch with a great husband and wife counselor that helped us through our issues. They recommended us to keep coming. It began to be fun, and something we both looked forward to doing weekly for a season, even after we got through the rough phase. Just know, seeking help in your relationship is not a sign of weakness. It’s actually a sign of strength.


MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK


Marriage is not hard work. It takes effort. Have you ever heard the quote, “change your mindset, change your life?” Well, that’s is the same approach you should have when it comes to matrimony. When I think of hard work, I think of everything I hate to do. But when I think of marriage, I can surely say that it challenges me to be who I am. At the end of the day, who doesn’t like a challenge every now and then? One thing about a challenge is it is hard during the process, but you always feel like it was worth it in the end. Marriage is the same way too.
Saying marriage is hard makes it hard for people that are not married or in a relationship, I believe marriage is worth it.


MARRIED SEX IS BORING


Bull crap! When you are with the right partner, it doesn’t have to be. Once again, communication is vital in every relationship. If you are failing to communicate with your mate about how you like to both be sexually pleased, then sex can become boring for a period of time. One of the reasons a person could believe that married sex is boring is because of their insecurities and baggage. Often times, “boring” has to do with comparison. By measuring a previous sexual experience you have had, you could be expecting your partner to meet an unknown standard for your sexual satisfaction. If you are looking for spice in the bedroom, you have to continuously, explore, communicate and bring it to life. I can attest to sex being easy to get lost under the pressures and responsibilities of life. When things get that way, the quality of sex with your partner is better than the quantity. It can still be a great experience. One of the great things about marital sex is the freedom. You don’t have to worry about being shy or presenting yourself before you partner. It’s much easier to be spontaneous with your life partner. Boredom is an insult to yourself, so I would suggest if you are the person to feel bored with the sex in your marriage, it is your responsibility to spice it up. Being sexually active with the same partner for over 20 years, It’s actually been great, learning each other, and exploring.  Happy couples keep a good, balanced sex life where quality and mutuality trumps frequency.


MARRIAGE IS 50/50


Marriage is 100/100. In order for it to be healthy, it needs to be two people giving 100 percent of them. 50/50 equates to half people. We have been there and done that already. It’s an extremely uncomfortable place to be in because everything becomes stagnant. Giving half of yourself or less is totally unfair. Your mate deserves all of you. Often times, there will be situations where it seems unfair. In all actuality, some days you will give more, and sometimes you will take more. Honor your commitment to each other by not dividing it into half but giving your full ass to your relationship.


MARRIED COUPLES DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER


Spending time together is great, but focusing on your interest as well is healthy. When you are forced to do everything with your spouse, it takes the joy and quality out of your time together. The important things is not doing everything together but how you actually interact with each other while doing it. If a couple does choose to do everything together, the more important things is to have a great time together. Nothing is worse than being expected to entertain your spouse, but they have no fun together. Happy couples have a good balance of each person enjoying their own leisure activities and having a good time sharing activities with their partners as well.




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